#endrant.

Jesus Christ, people. What happened in Japan fucking sucked. It fucking sucked more than anything you and I will (hopefully) ever experience in our lifetime. Perhaps I'm overly bitter, or maybe I'm just right (chances are, probably a little bit of both), but all around me I see people all, "OMG I WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE A FLIGHT TO JAPAN IN A MONTH! I ALMOST DIED!!!11!"

No, you didn't, asshole. Every time there is a tragedy, you have people trying to relate to it. Maybe it's human nature, or maybe it's just that people have it so good now they have nothing better to talk about (chances are, probably a little bit of both). So now I want you all to imagine that you were in Japan during the earthquake/tsunami, and you had the terrible misfortune of watching your house get washed away, or even worse, witness may be missing a loved one. Now imagine someone in the world thinks they know exactly what this feels like because their basement was once flooded. Yeah, I'd want to punch that person in the face too.

The only comparison I can make to this is back when my mother died, I once had someone tell me they knew how I felt because their cat died. It made me feel worse. Perhaps a better analogy would be like if I told someone whose husband or wife died in Iraq that I knew how they felt cause I too knew someone who died. All of these are tragic in their own right, but none have anything to do with the other. You feel me?

People. This tragedy isn't about you. It's about them. Stop making it about you.

#endrant.

I just can't do it

I tried. I really did. But everything I seem to have to say is less than 140 characters now a days. If you like what you see/saw here at IQJY, you can follow me on twitter. And if you aren't on the twitter, I suggest you do so. It's like Facebook status messages for people you actually like.

SaaaarsGaaaard's head size finally reflects his ego

From Green Lantern Preview:

Sad Face

When I picked up and deserted all you fools, I was getting close to 1000 hits a day for this blog. No, your eyes have been replaced with fake ones that only read things that are not true. 1000 different people in this world sought out all my grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, drunk pictures, and occasionally what I had to say. Cut to about 2 years later when I'm sitting with my nursing classmates telling them the obligatory "stuff about me," and I find myself saying, "I once had a blog..."

How fucking sad/pathetic/ego-maniacal/self indulgent--take your pick.

In that time I also gave up on twittering (tweeting) and watched my 100+ followers (I know!) dribble down to close to 50. Seriously people, why are you following someone who hasn't tweeted anything for over a year? Are you thinking they're just going to magically appear out of nowhere and begin tweeting again? Oh. Ok. Nevermind.

So I've slowly managed to pick up my twitter account so that I only lose about 1 follow a week (progress!). It took me about 6 months to figure out how to retweet, something my boyfriend still seems to have trouble with. (from him in text while I am on the bus: "HOW DO I FUCKING RT SOMEONE I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT WON'T LET ME FUCKING TWITTER COCKSUCKERS.") The point being, as much as I would like to think when I stop doing something, the world stops along with it, it doesn't. None of my old friends blog anymore. Everyone is on tumblr (jesus christ people, more technology for me to feel inadequate by?), and I can't seem to get any more twitter followers than 75 despite multiple attempts for me to insult Kenny Santucci of Real World/Road Rules Challenge fame.

It's my own fault. I should never have abandoned my blog. Now this thing is like a Chevy Beretta. Once a prime piece of machinery, now a rotting piece of metal on cinder blocks somewhere in West Virginia.

Would be better with some Lambo doors

If I start this up again, am I going to find out the one or two people leaving comments are the 85 year old ladies who live next to me? Cause that might be awesome.

National UnFriend Day?

The other day on the internets, I stumbled across this:

National UnFriend Day

I kind of giggled, and thought about who I would un-friend (I'm looking at you, incessant ugly baby picture posters), then went back to eating a pumpkin bar (they're delicious!). You can imagine my chagrin when I noticed that my friends went from 366 to 364. Someone defriended MOI?! (Note: apparently defriend is not a word that Blogger recognizes. It keeps on telling me to change it to befriend. Now I feel sad for myself)

Now everyone can say that they don't keep track of how many friends they have. I'm here to tell you that you are full of shit. Everyone knows how many friends one has. It's a total popularity contest that I am desperately losing. How does anyone know 1200 people? Unless they're friending people that they meet on the street, I don't get how one acquires that many friends. Whatever.

OK so what got me so riled up was that someone had the gall to unfriend me. Cut to me desperately typing in letters trying to remember who I am actually friends with (oh, the irony). Occasionally I find out who it is, but most of the time I give up and start eating a pumpkin bar. But what is it that I do that actually deserves unfriending? Unlike some people, I actually know everyone that I am friends with. So what gives? Are my status updates that offensive? Do you not like knowing the fact that at this very moment I am actually eating cheese? Why don't you care that "I'm sooooo wasted right now?" Who doesn't want to know that?

I need a pumpkin bar.

Hi

Anybody out there?! Given the recent comments lately, I'd say only Asians are reading this blog.

...and that's a good thing.

Your mom's WHAT?

A while back, I had a party at my apartment. It was July of 2007. I was throwing a party in honor of my new roommate and my friend Meg, who was celebrating her birthday that month.

Now, back in 2007 I was just befriending a lot of people here in NYC through this blog. There was one in particular that drove me up the wall. Now, there is a chance that she could read this, but given that she seriously fucked over a friend of mine, I don't fucking care (although more than likely she is too busy staring at herself in the mirror trying to convince herself she's worth a damn in this world). ANYWAYS. Her tears of humiliation mean more enjoyment for you.

Now, the rules of a party is you show up no earlier than an hour or so before said party begins. The exception to the rule is if you are pretty close with the party thrower, then you can show up whenever, even BEFORE the posted start time.

So there I am with Meg, her friend, my roommate, and maybe one of my roommates friends. The party started at 8pm, technically, which really meant it started at 9pm. Now you can imagine my surprise when the door buzzed at 7:55pm and in walked said blogger. I was a little put off guard, and given this girl has a penchant for saying really inappropriate things at the WORST times, I was a little bummed. There I was sober trying to have some fun with one of the most awesome girls I have ever met, and now I had to deal with this girl. But, I put on my party face and dealt with it. I'm a survivor, you know? I invited her, so I had to deal.

Eventually the cocktails were flowing and her obnoxious words became a little easier to tolerate. Meg and her friend even let her into a little inside joke they were running all night. I can't remember how it went exactly, but any sentence they spoke somehow involved their "mons pubis" (don't click on the link if you are at work. To summarize, it's the lady mound in a woman's no-no region that hurts when you sit on a bicycle). Like, "My mons pubis likes Jenga." or "My mons pubis really likes this song." I swear, it is 1000 times funnier when Meg was saying it.

So there are Meg and friend going back and forth, and I'm laughing my ass off. All of a sudden, Janie McAnnoystheshitoutofme piped in with something to the effect of "I wanna be friends with my mom's pubis."

No seriously, it was like that. MY MOM'S PUBIS.

Awkward!

(welcome disturbing google searches in 3...2...1...)

My gift to you.

You heard it right! You can now be my fan on Facebook.

Consider it an early Christmas present...and if you are Jewish, Happy Belated Hannukah.

You're welcome.

Love,
IQJY.

50 Goodbyes

I've never been very good at goodbyes and being that I'm leaving in less than two weeks (!), I thought I would take this time to create a blog post to tell everyone that I have met since coming to New York what I really think of them. And no, I'm not telling which one is you.

1. You think everyone loves you, but they don't. In fact, I would guess most of the people that you think adore you really just follow you around cause they are scared. I'm not though, and that's why you never really liked me either, huh? Oh, and you're really not as funny as you think you are. At all.
2. You are one of my soul mates. It's rare to find someone of such beauty, intelligence and humor. I'm so happy I'm your friend.
3. Yes, your dick was big but you smelled like smoke all the time. And no, you really weren't that good in bed. Heavy breathing goes a long way, doesn't it?
4. You were my partner in crime for the last few years. I've never met anyone so happy go lucky and self assured in my life. I'm going to miss you so much.
5. Sure, you talk about yourself a lot and are spoiled rotten, but you have a heart of gold deep down. I wish you happiness in your life ahead.
6. I really think the fact that you spent $1800 on a purse is the most absurd thing in the world, but your advice is like gold to me. Thanks for helping me through some tough times. Plus, your clothes? I want to steal them.
7. The reason I'm so cold to you now isn't cause of you, it's your boyfriend. He's an ass and I don't see this ending well.
8. You deserve someone who will love you as much as I do. No one in NY makes me laugh as much as you do.
9. Well, you make me laugh too. I wish you saw yourself like I see you. I'm secretly jealous of you cause you're so awesome. Someday you'll realize how awesome you actually are.
10. I want to have sex with you.
11. You hurt me, more than you realize. You do not have all the answers, and it appears if you remain that closed minded, you never will.
12. YOUR BLOG MAKES ME WANT TO STAB MYSELF IN THE EYE WITH A SPOON. Stop taking yourself so seriously. You're not funny, OR a good writer. (No, TK, it's not you :) )
13. You are one of the sleaziest men I have ever met in my life. I knew that from the day (ok maybe week) you came into my life. You totally got what you deserve.
14. I love you.
15. OMG why are you so cranky all the time? Clearly you get fed, so WHY? You seem nice and all, so WHY?
16. You practically stalk me and I know it. Like, do you watch SWF on repeat to get ideas? Also, the veiled confidence is very very transparent. The reason your single is cause you're annoying. Nothing else.
17. You're gay. Stop trying to hide it. Everyone suspects it.
18. You're an asshole, but I enjoyed the times we spent together. You made me laugh a lot.
19. You broke my heart more than my ex-boyfriend did. The way I was so disposable to you is something I still think about.
20. You are certifiably crazy and an actual stalker. There was a time there I was actually concerned for my safety. And your dick curved in a way that made me think your mom dropped you on it when you were a kid.
21. You were my favorite of the NY bloggers. Always will be :)
22. You are one of the most inspirational people I have ever met in my life. You have more guts and (warranted) self confidence than anyone I have ever known. Stay that way.
23. You are a misogynist. The way you treat women is despicable.
24. Yes, you really do look like a bird. I just didn't want to agree with the guy in front of you.
25. Your status messages make me LOLzy on a daily basis. Please don't stop them!
26. People thought you were mean, but you aren't. You're just honest, and that is one of the most admirable qualities I have ever met in someone. Thank you for showing me that.
27. You truly are the worst person I have ever met in my life. You lied to me, you know it, I know it. I would be more sympathetic to you if you were a cutter rather than spewing the hideous vitriol you do on a daily basis to people you come in contact with. Also, put down the cheeseburger, you've clearly had enough.
28. You're being lied to, and you don't know it. No hard feelings.
29. I'm not sure whether I like you, or dislike you. It changes daily it seems.
30. You got married cause you were scared to be alone. I thought you looked like a stuff sausage in your dress. What you did to ________ to get her fired was cruel. Remember, what goes around comes around, honey.
31. I'll miss you friend, and our times together. Keep your chin up. You'll find him.
32. Why did you de-friend me on Facebook? What did I ever do to you? It was them.
33. Wow, you have a lot of wrinkles for being 2 years younger than me. Your body is banging though, so I don't know why you keep on talking about how fat you are.
34. You are the most difficult person that I have ever had the displeasure of working with. By a long shot.
35. How you got so far in life knowing as little as you do is beyond me.
36. You could be the most whiney girl I have ever met. Your desire to one up me all the time is very transparent. Look, I know you're smarter than me, but get over it. Your social skills SUCK.
37. Your kid looks like he's missing a chromosome. Just sayin!
38. I had so much fun going out with you. You and your girlfriend are two of the most awesome people ever. I wish you guys both a long and happy life together.
39. It is true that you don't know what you got til it's gone., and that phrase couldn't be more accurate to describe my feelings for you. You were awesome and I should have told you more.
40. I never understood your infatuation with your girlfriend, but whatever. as long as you are happy. You are one of the greatest guys I have ever met (and yes, I may have had a minor crush on you).
41. I thought you were shrill and it took every ounce of my being to not knock your teeth in when you spoke over me.
42. You were one of the first people I ever met in New York that I would honestly consider to be worthy of being my friend. I'm sorry we lost touch. Singing Wham! with you on repeat was awesome.
43. You were my first Jersey stereotype that I enjoyed being around. You never took yourself seriously. That's a hard quality to find in someone. But I have a question, how did you not get weighed down by all those chains?
44. I think you're a nice girl, you're just looking for positive reinforcement from the wrong person. She talks behind your back and it breaks my heart.
45. What they did to you was horrible, but you are better off where you are now. Good riddance, right??
46. Dude, I only liked you cause there was no one else around. Get over yourself, you never were and certainly are not my type. You are kind of funny though. I was telling you the truth about that.
47. You never liked me cause more people liked me than you. Women like you give the rest of us normal ones a bad name.
48. How someone so smart can be so stupid is beyond me. And please, stop asking me questions during tv shows. I never told you, but I hated it.
49. Your blog was awesome. I miss it.
50. !!!!!!!!!!!! (OK, this one I will admit is Ryan Gosling)