My friend Ria informed me yesterday that her husband Chris' friend was getting married. Now normally this would not pose as a shock to me, but given who this gentleman is, I was ready to throw my bag down and kick it across the floor in defiance.
When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend the first time, Ria and Chris took me out for a couple "cheer the fuck up you're single" beers at the Spring St. Lounge. That's where I met the man who we will call "Mike". Why "Mike"? Well, cause that's his name.
I sat across from Mike and gushed to Ria and Chris about this guy I was in love with. Really the whole night. It must have been quite annoying for them (sorry about that guys). Occasionally Mike and I would share a couple words, but really I had zero interest in him. Why? He looks like Steve Buscemi, and just really wasn't that funny (which gentlemen, take note. If you want into my pants, you just gotta make me laugh. We're assuming a lot here that someone SOMEWHERE would want into my pants.)
OK while I'm being a little harsh here in the fact that he looks a little better than Steve Buscemi, it does not negate the fact that I wanted to yell, "Donny! You're out of your element!" at him repeatedly.
A few days later after I informed Ria and Chris about my first impressions of Mike (which both of them found were spot on, luckily), Chris went ahead and asked Mike what he thought of me.
Mike: "She is totally fucking into me. Isn't she?"
Chris: [thinking] Actually, she thinks you look like Steve Buscemi.
Chris: [speaking] um maybe?
Bare with me. I do have a point. Now I don't really consider myself the hottest piece of ass by ANY means, I do ok if we look past my recent track record with men (note: it also helps to get the guy you're talking to senselessly drunk so he can barely do anything but say yes to you.) While I'd say I'm average or slightly above average, Mike would be clearly below average. When Ria told me what his response was regarding my interest in him, I had to laugh.
Cut to 9 months later when we are all together again drinking at the Boat Basin. I am informed Mike his here with his girlfriend. I look around and spot him, still as Buscemi as ever, but then I spot her. She could be maybe one of the hotter chicks in the bar, and clearly better looking than me.
What the fuck?
Now brings me to the point of my post. Why is it that men clearly can trade up, but women always have to settle for someone that is clearly below their league? Occasionally when I see a pretty girl with an ugly guy I have to assume that she is really really dumb with a personality of a shoe, and he is quite rich. Mike's girlfriend, on the other hand, was quite pleasant. Bitch. And Mike isn't even that rich! Has anyone ever seen a hot guy with an ugly girl? Doubtful.
Now Mike is engaged to this girl.
I know you guys are DYING to know what my ex-boyfriend was like. Maybe my friends who have met him can answer this, but since I refuse to post any pictures of him on the internet you guys are just going to imagine what he is like. N___ always said he was the brains and the humor behind the relationship while I had the nice set T's. Let's just say he was definitely better looking than Mike.
So I apologize for getting all Carrie Bradshaw on your ass since the only things "she" and I have in common are that we both live in Manhattan and have slutty friends (hey oh!). But I'm really puzzled here. As a single, self-reliant woman in Manhattan, am I doomed to wind up with my own Steve Buscemi? Or is that even asking too much? Should I be hanging outside the OTB hoping that maybe I'll find a guy with all his limbs (a quality hard to find in men at the OTB) who is willing to take me to Arby's?
Help me, people!
NOTE: if you don't know what the title of this post is in regard to and why it is relevant to this post, you suck.
When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend the first time, Ria and Chris took me out for a couple "cheer the fuck up you're single" beers at the Spring St. Lounge. That's where I met the man who we will call "Mike". Why "Mike"? Well, cause that's his name.
I sat across from Mike and gushed to Ria and Chris about this guy I was in love with. Really the whole night. It must have been quite annoying for them (sorry about that guys). Occasionally Mike and I would share a couple words, but really I had zero interest in him. Why? He looks like Steve Buscemi, and just really wasn't that funny (which gentlemen, take note. If you want into my pants, you just gotta make me laugh. We're assuming a lot here that someone SOMEWHERE would want into my pants.)
OK while I'm being a little harsh here in the fact that he looks a little better than Steve Buscemi, it does not negate the fact that I wanted to yell, "Donny! You're out of your element!" at him repeatedly.
A few days later after I informed Ria and Chris about my first impressions of Mike (which both of them found were spot on, luckily), Chris went ahead and asked Mike what he thought of me.
Mike: "She is totally fucking into me. Isn't she?"
Chris: [thinking] Actually, she thinks you look like Steve Buscemi.
Chris: [speaking] um maybe?
Bare with me. I do have a point. Now I don't really consider myself the hottest piece of ass by ANY means, I do ok if we look past my recent track record with men (note: it also helps to get the guy you're talking to senselessly drunk so he can barely do anything but say yes to you.) While I'd say I'm average or slightly above average, Mike would be clearly below average. When Ria told me what his response was regarding my interest in him, I had to laugh.
Cut to 9 months later when we are all together again drinking at the Boat Basin. I am informed Mike his here with his girlfriend. I look around and spot him, still as Buscemi as ever, but then I spot her. She could be maybe one of the hotter chicks in the bar, and clearly better looking than me.
What the fuck?
Now brings me to the point of my post. Why is it that men clearly can trade up, but women always have to settle for someone that is clearly below their league? Occasionally when I see a pretty girl with an ugly guy I have to assume that she is really really dumb with a personality of a shoe, and he is quite rich. Mike's girlfriend, on the other hand, was quite pleasant. Bitch. And Mike isn't even that rich! Has anyone ever seen a hot guy with an ugly girl? Doubtful.
Now Mike is engaged to this girl.
I know you guys are DYING to know what my ex-boyfriend was like. Maybe my friends who have met him can answer this, but since I refuse to post any pictures of him on the internet you guys are just going to imagine what he is like. N___ always said he was the brains and the humor behind the relationship while I had the nice set T's. Let's just say he was definitely better looking than Mike.
So I apologize for getting all Carrie Bradshaw on your ass since the only things "she" and I have in common are that we both live in Manhattan and have slutty friends (hey oh!). But I'm really puzzled here. As a single, self-reliant woman in Manhattan, am I doomed to wind up with my own Steve Buscemi? Or is that even asking too much? Should I be hanging outside the OTB hoping that maybe I'll find a guy with all his limbs (a quality hard to find in men at the OTB) who is willing to take me to Arby's?
Help me, people!
NOTE: if you don't know what the title of this post is in regard to and why it is relevant to this post, you suck.
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