My first experience in the New York Court System--Part 2

My computer is fixed, and once again happily sitting on my lap. I imagine most things/people are happy to sit on my lap. All I can say is that I don't know what going through heroin withdrawal is like, but I do imagine it was something similar to the withdrawal I felt of the last three nights without a computer. I never want to experience that feeling ever, ever again.

Now back to the crazy.

Like I mentioned in Part 1 of my post regarding my day with the New York Supreme Court, I do have some stories. My experience can basically be summed up in three bullets:

• People in New York are racist.
• People in New York love to complain about jury duty.
• People in New York have all been mugged/robbed at one point of their lives or another.

For those of you who aren't "in the know" like I am now about the inner-workings of the jury selection process, I will explain the process. 1) You receive your summons to appear in some designated room at a certain date,2 ) You wait in room until your name is called (this is where my computer broke), 3) You get called in to be a potential juror for a case, 4) You wait around while the 60 or so other people in the court room with you are interviewed for any possible bias, 5) You realize that the two seemingly normal people sitting next to you have a deep seated hatred for all people that are black.

Travel back with me to the point in my juror selection experience to number 4. This is called the venire (you're learning things now, aren't ya?). The bailiff calls my name from the lottery type box, and I go through the double swinging knee length doors (you don't know how happy I was to know they really have those in court rooms. I had to restrain myself from screaming "I object! That's statement is irrelevant!"). I'm instructed to sit in the 4th seat from the right. I am no longer Megan, DMBMEG, Don Juan, Donjuanelly, Don, Meg Lou, Meggie, Meggie Lou Lou, Trashy Slut, Cum Guzzling Whore....or any of my other aliases. I am now Juror #4. Got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

So they pass out these questionnaires that we are instructed not to write on. I already see the woman next to me putting away her pen. The questions went like this:

1. What neighborhood do you live in?
2. If you have lived there less than a year, where did you live previously?
3. What is your current state of employment along with the current state of employment of all members of your household?
   
4. Have you ever...
1. Been convicted of a crime?
2. Had a close personal friend and/or relative been convicted of a crime?
3. Been a victim of a crime?
4. Had a close personal friend and/or relative been convicted of a crime?
5. Served on a grand or trial jury?
6. Have any close personal friends and/or relatives that are attorneys, police officers, etc.
7. Do you have any mental/physical limitations that would prevent you from serving?

My answers were as follows:

1. Chelsea
2. Murray Hill (shutup. Leave me alone.)
3. Work as a financial analyst for a retail company. Roommate is a bond trader. (I had to think if "roommate" was part of household, or not. But really judge, thanks for reminding me that I'm all alone in the world.)
4. No to all parts of question 4 (despite a close call in college of almost getting arrested for a fake i.d.)
5. No
6. Grandfather was part of the NYPD
7. Despite what my friends and/or relatives would say, my answer is no.

Easy right? Well, you would be surprised how many people were eating retard sandwiches before answering this very simple questionnaire. People were answering the questions out of order. It was utter judicial anarchy (there is an oxymoron for you! OK not so much anarchy, but it was taking way longer than I would have liked).

At this point in the post, I would like to describe the defendant and the crime he was being accused of committing. My translation of the charges was this gentleman, who I looked strangely like J. Alexander from America's Next Top Model, but a little more rough around the edges, and you know, not wearing high heels. I don't need to point out the obvious that he was black. Well ok, I just did point out the obvious. The defendant was charged with 4 crimes. I heard lots of 3rd, 4th, 1st degrees. Basically, the guy tried to stab someone in a Harlem night club. Moving on...

I consider myself pretty unbiased as far as race relations go. There have been black people I dislike, but there have also been white people, Asians, Latinos, Jews, Catholics, Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Branch Davidians, Martians, midgets, pornographers, midget pornographers, men, women, he/she's, gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals, straight people, ugly people, hot people, homeless people, rich people, young people, old people, middle-aged crisis people, famous people, non-famous people...ok you get the idea. Basically I'm an equal opportunity hater. I would never judge you by the color of your skin, or your religion, or your sexual preference, etc, but I guarantee I will judge you if you are stupid.

So surrounded by seemingly normal, friendly people like myself, I found myself aghast by the answers these people were giving the judge:

Juror: "I was mugged at an ATM once."
Judge: "Do you think this would affect your decision in any way?"
Juror: "Well, he was black."

Another Juror: "I think all cops are liars."

Another Juror (looking right at the defendant): "I believe we have the right to know if this guy had any priors."

You get the idea.

I was also amazed about the sheer number of times people have been mugged and/or robbed in the city. I'm not exaggerating when I say this, but every single person being questioned had been robbed at one point in their life. Probably 75% of the people had been the victim of a robbery 2 or more times. Then there was the cute little Asian man who went on for about 5 minutes about how his store, apartment, and son's car had been robbed about 10 times.

I must admit that at this point I realized I had been the victim of a robbery a couple years ago, but from fear of being locked in the slammer for committing pergery, I decided to keep quiet. Honestly, I hadn't thought about the event in years, so I came to the conclusion that I am unbiased. I can actually laugh at it now. On December 24th, 2004, my now ex-boyfriend's car was broken into and all of our Christmas presents were stolen, along with my coat, my makeup (obviously a tranny robber), my new running shoes. While I was upset over my lost items, the dudes who broke into my ex-boyfriend's car stole his laptop, cell phone (really, he was an idiot for leaving these in the car in the first place), but most importantly his fucking grade book. That's right. My ex-boyfriend is a high school teacher, and they stole his fucking grade book. OK I digress.

All of these sad stories led me to believe I need to get renter's insurance ASAP. And I need to stop going to ATM's.

Alright, since I'm pretty much writing a novel apparently because I am so happy to be re-united (and it does feel so good!) with my computer, I'll wrap my last point up as quickly as I can. Look, I know more than anyone that people like to complain. I complain about my job on a daily basis. Call me hypocritical, but I don't see why someone who works at JP Morgan's job is so necessary to the function of all human civilization, that they would feel the need to complain for two hours about how this jury selection process is so inconvenient to their life. I think a lot of people from the past, certainly the present, and more than likely the future, would give anything to have the rights we do in America. We got a 2 hour lunch, it's gorgeous out, we saw part of the criminal justice system in action, we caught up on reading, and more importantly, someone's life, guilty or not, is in our hands. And that, more than anything, should make you think to SHUT THE FUCK UP, and do your duty as an American citizen.

[and now stepping off my platform]

Oh yeah, after all that, I didn't even get chosen. The first case was dismissed because the defendant apparently freaked at all the crazy jurors who were about to be in charge of determining his guilt or innocence. The second case, which was a robbery, was again dismissed. After that, they sent us home (at noon) so basically I got a free day off today. I love our government.