I'm a chick who enjoys good beer. My preference is the darker the better (just like my men). However, any active beer drinker knows that the heavier the beer, the more the calories. I drink on a night of drunken debauchery an average of 7 or 8 beers. Guinness is my favorite, but I only reserve that for when I decide to drink my dinner. However, I've been known to drink 3 or 4 on a given night. At approximately 200 calories a pop, that's 800 calories right there.My second favorite beer, Saranac Amber, we'll say is approximately 175 calories based on the caloric value of similar amber beers. Now, given that they aren't as heavy as Guinness is, I can drink more. I remember one night I drank 10. I know I'm a mathlete, but I bet most of you can calculate
10x175=1750 calories. In one night.My third favorite beer, Leinenkugels Honey Weiss, is sadly (or thankfully) no where to be found anywhere on the East Coast. Still, I would say the caloric value of this beer ranges from 150-165 or so. We're still in the 1500 calorie range for a night of heavy drinking. Lord knows when I head back to the Midwest, I make up for any time I spent away from this delicious brew.
So my point? Bud Light, Amstel Light, Coors Light, while they all may be shitty and taste like water, only have approximately 100 calories per beer. I can go out, get shit faced, go out for a 6 mile run the next day, and still retain my semi girlish figure. I've resigned myself to the fact that my slight beer pouch (not really a gut, but an inch of skin I can grab right below my belly button) will never go away due to my heavy consumption of beer, but I'm okay with that. At least I'm having fun, right?
So next time you see me out, and you make a comment on my crappy water downed beer, give me a break, mmm k? You don't want no fatty slobbering on your knob now do you?
NOTE: Yes, I could drink vodka, which I do at times, but the results are never pretty. Hard alcohol's influence over me deserves its own post.
And yes Peter, my mouth is open again. Sue me.
35 comments:
I totally hee hee'd (in a manly way) when I saw the pic. Even though you tipped me off a little.
I don't see any mention of the delicious and nutritious qualities of Boone's Farm in your post. Also, its quiet economical. These things are important to me, and yet, Boone's still manages to get a bad rap. I'm going to drink only Boone's Farm around the apartment, but I'll class it up with Miller High Life or Old Style on the street.
This comment is making me drunk right now. No, that's definitely the sleep meds. Guess I'm passing out of my couch again. I want a beer that say AWESOMEFEST8000. Should we have an audition?
Am I not making any sense? I'm totally loaded.
peter-
I knew you would like that picture.
Hellafied-
I want a beer that say AWESOMEFEST8000. Should we have an audition?
What the fuck? Seriously, go lie down. Step away from the computer.
Gates, when have you EVER seen me drink Boone's Farm? I leave that pleasure to you. Now Irish Car Bombs...I OWN YOU IN THAT SHIT.
I'm going to drink only Boone's Farm around the apartment, but I'll class it up with Miller High Life or Old Style on the street.
What the hell are you doing drinking on the street too?
Gates, here is $20. Go clean yourself up.
Hahahahahaaaaaa ahhhhhhhhh. Comments 8,346,134, Megan 0.
I'm going to make my way down the bell jar. See you guys tomorrow morning when I've sobered up. Hey! Even Jay Leno is funny right now!
Ok done.
Sylvia Plath has nothing on you tonight.
Hmmmm, dark beer good, beer gut bad. One of life's big dilemmas.
I have a funny feeling you could drink me under the table, at which point I won't care about your size as you "slobber on my knob"...I say enjoy the good beer and leave the light stuff to the girlie men.
Looking forward to the Vodka inspired post, just hope it makes more sense than Hellafield's comments.
josh-
you see, if I enjoy the dark beer, I can't get the free drinks as frequently as I have become accustomed to as I would be a deuce, deuce and a half. It is such a double edged sword. Every guy wants to cool chick who can drink 15 pints of Guinness, but they all want someone with a smaller beer gut than them. Just because I look 5 months pregnant, doesn't mean I actually am.
Chalk this one up to another instance of oppression against women.
Hellafied's comments may not make sense, but they are HIGH-larious.
Get it??! See what I did there?
Ok, I'm done too.
You should drink Night Train. It's so good that my friends had to tell me they would never talk to me again if I didn't stop drinking it. It may taste like gasoline-flavored Kool Aid, but it is low cal, I think.
I think that the most amazing part of this is that you can actually go for a 6-mile run the day after drinking 10-12 beers to "even the score" calorie wise. I can drink 10-12 beers in a night, but it usually involves me lying on the couch with a wastebasket near me the next day, NOT going for a 6-mile run.
Also not found on the east coast: Fat Tire ... Mmmmm ...
Guinness is lower in carbs and more nutritious than bud light. Seriously, it was in a newspaper. So, you know it's true.
If you'll sit and drink 15 pints of Guinness with me, I don't care if you are a deuce...because that would kick ass.
BoL-
I just had a vision of the Kool-Aid man bursting through my cube wall and spontaneously burting into flames frmo that smooth gasoline flavor.
Em-
Don't get me wrong, I'm not waking up at 6am to go running after 10 beers. However, with the proper rehydration and sustenance, I'm usually good to go again by early evening.
They also say alcoholics don't get hangovers. Only the more reason for me to drink more, right?
country roads-
yes, lower carbs, but more calories.
15 Guinneses? That sounds like a challenge.
I too am a dark beer fan but if you have to choose a light beer with low calories and great taste go with Miller Lite. It only has 96 calories while Bud Light has 110. (Fuck I sound like a commerical.) And also you'll be helping pay off some of my college loans.
I don't care what you drink just so long as you drink.
I like the good beer too but I just get too full after a few. Have you tried Bud Select or Michelob Ultra? They seem taste a little more like real beer than the other "lite" stuff.
Hey, new reader here!
I suggest that before a night of heavy drinking, take a couple xanax or valium - quualudes work too. You'll get just as shitty-blacked-out, but you'll only need 3 or 4 beers!!! if you can get a good deal on the perscription drugs, you could start saving more money than you ever imagined.
I love how your comments slowl evolve into advice columns on how to properly mistreat one's liver. It's really quite grand.
Sometimes you have to let quantity rule over quality. Mind-bending logic, I know, but sometims it has to happen.
okay, because i'm obsessed w/ calories, i've totally looked up the caloric values of just about every alcoholic beverage on the planet. Julie Gong's right, miller lite, amstel light are the two light beers w/ the fewest calories (per 12 oz). HOWEVER, Guiness is also a fairly low calorie beer, and chances are you'll drink less guiness over an evening of drinking than you would of aforementioned light beers. Therefore, depending on whether or not you want to "BINGE!!!!!!!! WHOOO!!!" or just "get drunk" guiness may be a better option.
Additionally, one ounce (not a usual shot which is 1.5 oz.) of vodka has 110 calories, and that is just plain vodka w/ out mixers... so you basically have to drink vodka/soda or vodka diet to have a low calorie drink.
Or you could just run longer. that works too.
Julie-
my best friend's brother works for Busch in STL. She would disown me if she ever saw me drinking Miller Light.
Dr. Monkey-
I can't apply this rule. I think I'd rather have a non-drinker than someone who orders Smirnoff Ice at a bar. Call me crazy.
June-
I find them even more watery than the light beers!
Adam-
Hi! Welcome!
Ok my friend did this with Percoset and said it could be the most fucked up he has ever been in his whole life. He also said it was followed by the worst hangover of his life. Not so much, but I'm willing to think about this.
BoL-
I have that effect on people. You are just figuring this out? I can't even count how many times people have gone out with me and declared, "Wow. I haven't been that drunk in a long time."
stp-
I like the way you think.
verbald-
no guinness is high in calories, but low in carbs. For the most part, I drink to get drunk. If I was thirsty, I'd drink soda.
I know vodka will help, but like I mentioned, my adverse reactions to vodka and various other forms of hard alcohol deserve their own post.
Next week.
well, that's cause percocet is different - that's a pain killer - vallium and xanax are like tranquilizers - they basically make you feel the same being REALLY drunk, but without having drank anything - guarenteed black-out.
I've never had a hangover from this... just give it some thought!
I used to think I was an alcoholic. Then I read the comments about taking Xanax to get drunk more easily.
For me, beer - and I only drink good beer, none of this American shit (except maybe Sam's or Leinie's) - is for baseball games and pizza or other similar food/sport combinations.
If I'm going out to get drunk, it's single malt scotch, Tanqueray Ten & tonic, or dirty Ketel One martinis. Don't ask me about my bar tab, I don't look, I just slide the card across the bar.
I drink bud light too. I love drinking water and getting drunk!!
I don't think you should ever calculate the calories in alcohol. If everyone did that, we wouldn't drink nearly as much. You can see why that would be a bad thing, right?
Fuckin' beer snobs. The list of beers I won't drink is far shorter than the list of beers I will drink. I believe it goes:
Keystone Light
End of fucking list.
I'm pretty sure that if you cut me on a Friday night, I'll bleed Miller Hi-Life. And Bushmill's Irish.
People really count calories? That's sad. Boone's Farm is not sad. It's happy. Happy to get you fucked up for $2. It's Friday, right? What are you drinking at work today, Don?
Ahh I too have the same prob... my fav beer being sierra nevada pale ale with any mega hoppy IPA coming in as a close second leaves me crying over calories. So thanks to my bad habit I've been forced to learn to enjoy (not love) light beer. But if we're gonna go big or go home I'd just like to point out that Bud Light (gross) has 110 calories vs. Miller Lite (woohooo) which has about 96. Tastes Great, Less Filling.
Sidenote: although calorie packed Guinness is low in carbs. and oh yea totally ok to drink when yr pregnant i mean gwyneth paltrow did it.
~Irish
adam-
You sure know a lot about prescription pain medication. I am impressed.
mortarbored-
Remind me to tell you about the time I had a $200 bar tab. Damn you Grey Goose Martinis.
erica ap-
yes, me too.
mindy-
well I try too, but I usually end up getting so drunk I can't even add 1+1 (which is 3, right?)
tk-
Just when I thought I couldn't enjoy your comments anymore...
But really, you'd chug a Beast? I don't believe it.
jhc-
I was. That's why it took me so long to respond to the comments.
irish-
Yeah, just because Gwenyth Paltrow does something is not a good reason for me to follow suit. Unless it's having sex with Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck (eh), or Luke Wilson.
Hello, my name is Michael & I'll drink ANY Beer
this discussion is blowing my mind. i keep coming back to it, and it only gets better. i'm a fan of pretty much everyone here, now, but you, megan, most of all.
Since I dont drink beer of any type, quarters tends to be a bit rough. There was one time in college when I was so sober that my friends fed me wesson and I didnt know any better. Sure helped with the hangover the next morning, tho.
One other sure cure for a hangover... a long run the next morning followed by an even longer nap.
meow.
I am a fiend for Saranac, especially their Pomegranate Wheat brew. And Leinies? Amazing.
My friend owns a local bar/ hangout area (it was a really nice graduation present from her parents) and I convinced her to have them ordered. Now I can get them whenever.
a few things:
1. i want to marry someone from MN/WI so i can have a Leinenkugels keg at my wedding.
2. so, it's the sierra nevada pale ale that's making me fat? great...
3. sylvia plath went to smith college.
4. summer beer = pacifico. crap, but wonderful.
Just when I thought my creepy love for you couldn't get any more restraining order worthy, you keep it coming. The fact that you love dark beer just adds to your resume of awesome.
Post a Comment