Addiction

Most of you are on Facebook and are well aware of the annoying applications that the random person you may have met out at a bar and added them as part of your Facebook friend group on your iPhone always seems to send out. Most of these I ignore. I don't care which Sex and the City character I am or which celebrity boyfriend I am destined to have (mine was Dane Cook. OK shut up) so most of the time I just delete them and go about my business trying to find out if all my old high school crushes have signed up yet.

Occasionally there comes an application that is so great, so pure of heart, it takes me in and does not let go. I have found one of those applications. And that application, that application is SCRAMBLE.

What is Scramble you ask? Scramble is Boggle basically. You attempt to form words in various non-linear combinations. Point values are higher for longer words, and all three-letter words (the minimum) is worth 3 points. You have 3 minutes per round to find as many words as you can on a 4 letter by 4 letter board, and the game consists of 5 rounds total.

Immediately I was sucked in. I was self-satisfied after I scored a 15 on my first game against Mr. Crimenotes, when he bitch slapped me right back with like a 50. And it didn't stop there. Both Flop and JHC have now been roped in as well, and we've spent our nights and workdays playing Scramble with each other--I would show you a picture of my Facebook page which is covered with updates as "Megan has started another game of Scramble! Megan beat her high score! Megan has no life!" but I have a reputation to protect. You know how it is.

Now, I'm a smart girl, but I come in 4th every time to these fools. Every. Time. It's infuriating. I'll get 15 on a board full of vowels and Crimenotes manages to get a 60 on that same board in the same round (I suggest you play to understand what I am talking about.) After another frustrating game where I came in 4th...

PlayerRound:	1	2	3	4	5
CrimeNotes (nudge)	35	65	91	59	56	306
JHC	31	44	60	53	28	216
dmbmeg (nudge)	31	37	54	48	32	202
Flop (nudge)	-	-	-	-	-	0

...the following conversation took place:

Scramble email: Crimenotes found the word 'Boomers' in your Scramble match!
Megan: I DON'T FUCKING CARE.
Crimenotes: Thanks for helping others cheat, Megan. You can always adjust your settings so you don't get Scramble e-mails. I'm just a simple man enjoying a word game and watching Indiana Jones trailers in between Grand Theft Auto games. I'm 31.
Flop: I found a seven-letter word and I didn't get an email like this. Dick.
Megan: I just don't get it.
Crimenotes: You're not being one with the board, the way I told you.
Megan: I hate Scramble.
Megan: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
Megan: SCRAMBLE SENSEI.
Crimenotes: Don't think about the board. Don't worry about it. Just stare at the letters and let the board absorb you.
Megan: Not even kidding, I have had the following words word in my scramble boards: cunt(s), boob(s), pee(s), fagot(s)
Megan: I don't want anything to absorb me!
Crimenotes: I apologize if this word offends people, because I don't ever use it, but "cunt" makes appearance on the board and is good for points.
Megan: I know. I'm saying I used the below words for points. Scramble encourages bigotry.
Flop: I've gotten cunt.
Megan: High 5!
Crimenotes: Remember that "fags" and "faggot" are British slang for cigarettes.
Megan: Coincidentally, this might be the first time ever Crimenotes gets excited to see "boobs"
Crimenotes: You felt up a pair of sweaty man-tits in a bar. You've been obsessed with and traumatized by boobs ever sense. Keep me out of your boobage/moobage problems and just enjoy the heavage.
Megan: Wait, is this like the force? Do you play scramble blindfolded?
Crimenotes: You can't play blindfolded. You need to see the letters. But like crossword puzzles, thinking too hard or getting frustrated will only fuck you up.
Flop: Fascism!
Megan:Well I suck at crosswords too. Give me Free Cell any day.
JHC: I like crosswords because the words ARE IN THE RIGHT FUCKING ORDER. You know, like OUR LANGUAGE! I HATE FUCKING SCRAMBLE.
Crimenotes: Nonsense. Both of you love Scramble. In one week you both racked up more points than I do in a month. Scramble blessed you.
Megan: Cause all we do is play each other in order to get better so we can beat you.
Megan: I'm smart! Scramble doesn't tell me my self worth!
JHC: It does me. If I had GTA4 I'd spend the rest of my night murdering hookers. I WILL SHOW THEM WHAT TIME IT IS!
Megan: I bet I would suck at murdering hookers too.
JHC: It's simple. You drive up, they get in, you kill. Quite unlike trying to make words out of iixooooiidxzq
JHC: ... and Crimenotes just scored 186 points out of those letters! WOO!!!!11
Megan: CRIMENOTES GOT A BINGO!*
CRIMENOTES GOT THE HIGHEST SCORE EVER
CRIMENOTES JUST MADE ALL OF YOU HIS BITCHES
JHC: CRIMENOTES SCORED 190!
CRIMENOTES TURNED WATER INTO WINE!
CRIMENOTES MAKES UP RANDOM 3 LETTER WORDS AND GETS POINTS FOR THEM!
CRIMENOTES KNOWS HOW TO MAKE THE CLOCK STOP IN SCRAMBLE!
CRIMENOTES IS 31!
Flop: CRIMENOTES TURNED PORRIDGE INTO BEEF SOUP
Megan: CRIMENOTES DISCOVERED THE MEANING OF LIFE IN THE SCRAMBLE BOARD.
Flop: CRIMENOTES' LACERATED HAND HEALED IN SIX HOURS!
CRIMENOTES WAS ABLE TO KICK HIS ADDICTION TO NICOTINE!
CRIMENOTES EARNED A FISHBISCUIT IN RECORD TIME!
A BIRD CALLED OUT CRIMENOTES' NAME, THEN CRAPPED ON JHC!
CRIMENOTES RAN OVER FLOP AND MEGAN ON THE BEACH IN A VAN HE FOUND IN THE WOODS!

* This is when you get most of the words on the board. It's nearly impossible as there are usually about 100 word combinations.