Wednesday, January 30, 2008
The writers have left clues throughout the show that take multiple viewings to pick up. Watch clocks, and you'll notice the time says 8:15--the flight number of the Oceanic flight that crashed. Others on the island appear in the background on televisions in police stations. I can go on and on.
It's a hard show to watch sometimes. I will admit that. During Season 2 many of the supposed "faithful" to the show stopped watching claiming it jumped shark. They wanted dinosaurs and couples rolling around in the sand. The truth is, you have to approach this show like a book, it has a beginning and an end. Yes, it gets slow, but each episode fits into the giant puzzle somehow.
I've been having lots of discussions about this show with friends over the past week. What I have learned is there is a common theme: everyone likes difference characters for various reasons. They're all incredible characters too. There are arguments on why each character is good or bad and why others are more important to the story than the rest. I guess that is what I'm hoping to do in this post--encourage a discussion. I'd like to share with you my favorite character, which will probably surprise a great many of you who watch the show. It isn't just because of his delicious abs, and flowing locks, but because of the depth of his character. Yes, that's right babies. Mama likes Sawyer.Now I don't want to be all cliche and drool over how ridiculously sexy he is (cause he is), but there is just something about him I love. Maybe it's the bad boy mentality, I don't know. He makes me laugh. He's the anti-Jack--leading through the individual rather than the group. When he does something kind, and he does, it comes from the heart. Not saying that Jack's intentions are malicious by any means, but his desperate need to fix everything then be praised for it is irritating beyond belief. I don't think his name calling his malevolent in nature. He questions Jack's authority rather than just blindly following it like the other lemmings. Oh, did I mention he is shirtless a lot?
I'd like to encourage an open discussion of this show. No name calling, no hair pulling, no talk of eating cum off of a sandwich with a bag of Ruffles. Tell me what you like about the show, tell me what you don't. I don't care. All opinions are welcome, except the stupid ones. You guys suck.
Note: I'm giving permission to discuss all ranges of topics, so if you don't want to read spoilers, don't read the comments.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
From watching the Men's 2008 National Figure Skating Championship Sunday--a tight competition from reigning National Champion Evan Lysacek and Super Gay, Johnny Weir. What resulted was a fierce competition that was colder than ice! (See what I did there? Oh, hush):
[18:35] Meg: It makes me ridiculously happy that you are watching figure skating
[18:35] JHC: It makes me happy that I'm not wearing that catsuit.
[18:35] JHC: his eyes!
[18:35] JHC: Duck!
[18:35] Meg: Is that the theme from the Godfather?
[18:35] JHC: The gayfather
[18:36] Meg: vito corleone is turning in his grave
[18:36] JHC: FABBBBBBBBBBULOUS!!!!!
[18:36] JHC: Hardly, he'd never expose his ass to a bunch of maricones!
[18:36] Meg: they should throw dead bodies on the ice to make it more authentic
[18:36] JHC: (I forgot the sicilian term for homosexual)
[18:36] Meg: ha
[18:37] Meg: do you think straight guys can ever figure skate?
[18:37] Meg: besides db sweeney?
[18:37] JHC: no
[18:38] Meg: i'm trying to imagine you swinging your arms like that and i just can't
[18:38] JHC: It's all in the wrists.
[18:39] Meg: he needs to tie his bowtie
[18:39] JHC: no straight man can smile like that either
[18:39] JHC: He looks like he just came off a hard day of designing blouses
[18:39] Meg: and anal sex
[18:40] JHC: YES! WEIR!!!
[18:40] Meg: whoa
[18:40] Meg: did you just see that?
[18:40] JHC: oooooooooooo snaP!
[18:40] Meg: weir is unstoppable!
[18:41] JHC: My voice just went up an entire octave when he snapped.
[18:41] JHC: In sign language, Weir's little snapping paddycake gesture means
[18:41] JHC: "well touch me in the mornin and just walk away"
[18:41] JHC: True story.
[18:41] Meg: ha
[18:42] Meg: god you and figure skating just go together
[18:42] Meg: i wish you would live blog this
[18:42] Meg: almost as good as the hot dog eating contest
[18:45] JHC: WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
[18:46] JHC: I am not impressed with his artistry.
[18:46] JHC: He needs to sell these moves.
[18:46] Meg: the artistry is so silly
[18:46] JHC: Maybe throw in a Hamel camel.
[18:46] Meg: like look at how ridiculous they look
[18:46] Meg: oh my god
[18:46] Meg: you did not
[18:46] JHC: He looks like he has a hangar in the back of his shirt.
[18:46] Meg: hahahahaha
[18:46] Meg: his face!
[18:47] JHC: I like his chain mail shirt.
[18:47] JHC: Time to gay it up, Junior.
[18:47] Meg: he looks like the guy in ice castles!
[18:47] JHC: robbie benson
[18:47] Meg: robby benson
[18:47] Meg: yes
[18:48] JHC: whoa
[18:48] JHC: His gazer beams nearly hit me.
[18:48] Meg: his what?
[18:48] JHC: His gazer beams.
[18:48] JHC: Did you see the flames coming out of his eyes?
[18:48] JHC: eep!
[18:49] Meg: ha!
[18:49] Meg: i was too busy watching his arms flop
[18:49] JHC: Yes!
[18:49] JHC: I love the Olympics.
[18:49] Meg: me too
[18:49] Meg: favorite sport?
[18:50] JHC: Figure Skating.
[18:50] Meg: it's the summer Olympics too so we'll totally kick ass again
[18:50] Meg: thank you track and field!
[18:51] Meg: i kind of wish communism would come back
[18:51] JHC: agreed, I think they just needed more time. Look at Castro!
[18:51] JHC: His.... scarf...
[18:51] Meg: oh my
[18:52] JHC: He's coming off gay.
[18:53] JHC: Dick Button!
[18:53] Meg: bob costas? what the hell is going on? oh my god
[18:53] JHC: It's the Olympic buildup is all.
[18:53] Meg: i LOLzyed at Weir
[18:54] JHC: His gloves.
[18:54] JHC: YARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!
[18:54] Meg: the whole ensemble
[18:54] JHC: I don't wanna be a pirate!
[18:54] Meg: hahahahaha
[18:54] JHC: whoa
[18:54] JHC: WEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
[18:54] Meg: oh you're making me laugh
[18:55] JHC: what now?
[18:55] Meg: the weeee's
[18:55] JHC: That's the sound they make when they get onto the ice.
[18:55] Meg: no, it's the sound you make
[18:55] Meg: i think i would die of laughter if i saw that
[18:58] JHC: Um.... isn't this the same guy?
[18:58] Meg: ...
[18:58] Meg: WE WANT WEIR
[18:58] JHC: that's the gayfather again, correct?
[18:58] Meg: WE WANT WEIR
[18:58] Meg: oh my
[18:58] JHC: Didn't he just skate????
[18:59] Meg: yeah..................
[18:59] JHC: and he's skating again? This cannot be! Isn't he tired? He looks spent.
[18:59] Meg: ...
[18:59] JHC: ass over tea kettle
[18:59] Meg: maybe he thinks if he changes outfits no one will notice
[18:59] JHC: bye bye, birdie!
[18:59] Meg: scott hamilton just got wood (again)
[18:59] JHC: HE"S WEARING CUFF LINKS WITH BLACK PEARLS
[18:59] JHC: CrimeNotes has that same shirt.
[19:00] Meg: and how can you see?
[19:00] Meg: i liked the chaplin moves
[19:01] Meg: he is not doing well
[19:01] JHC: Cus he just skated!
[19:01] JHC: HOP HOP!!
[19:01] Meg: he's tired!
[19:02] Meg: im always scared they'll hit the wall
[19:02] JHC: I'm always scared they'll spew homosexuality into the front row.
[19:02] Meg: i just grabbed my stomach
[19:02] Meg: to hold in the laughter
[19:02] JHC: It can't get you through the teevee
[19:02] Meg: so they say
[19:03] JHC: [puts blanket up over face]
[19:03] Meg: you're trying to kill me tonight
[19:03] JHC: Hey, I forgot to tell you
[19:03] JHC: Scott Hamilton only has 1 nut.
[19:03] JHC: That's all.
[19:34] Meg: WEIR WEIR WEIR
[19:34] JHC: His charm necklace is fab.
[19:35] Meg: the pressure.....
[19:36] JHC: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[19:36] Meg: gets me every time
[19:36] JHC: He's dressed like an oreo cordial.
[19:36] Meg: wow
[19:37] JHC: His gazers just knocked the wind out of me
[19:37] Meg: what? why?
[19:37] JHC: ...how do they keep the ice from melting when he's out there?
[19:37] JHC: He needs to skate perfectly from here on out
[19:37] JHC: 1 more 2 foot landing and it's over
[19:37] Meg: [hugs JHC]
[19:38] JHC: [pushes her off, watches skating over her shoulder]
[19:38] Meg: that's ok
[19:38] JHC: Helllloooooooooooo, sailor!
[19:38] Meg: he looks like a woman
[19:39] JHC: Scott Hamilton: Here's the mincing part of the program where Weir excels!
[19:39] JHC: weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
[19:39] Meg: you could replace scott. i swear.
[19:39] JHC: Netflix made me this way...
[19:39] JHC: I love his racer back top!
[19:39] Meg: that's not racer back!
[19:40] JHC: [scowls at Meg icily]
[19:40] JHC: That was a double double, he's done.
[19:40] Meg: oh no!
[19:40] Meg: the skating world will be in a tizzy
[19:40] JHC: Hope you like 2nd palce, fancy pants.
[19:40] JHC: If he wins this it will throw me into a tizzy the likes of which haven't been seen since '92 -- fuckin Baiul.
[19:41] Meg: i almost want him to win just so i can hear your reaction
[19:41] Meg: and he's crying
[19:41] JHC: OMG, he's crying like Roy Williams!
[19:41] JHC: boooooooo hooooooooooo
[19:41] Meg: wow
[19:42] JHC: cry me a fuckin river, kid
[19:42] Meg: what the fuck is she saying to him?
[19:43] Meg: isn't this the national championships!
[19:43] Meg: speak english!
[19:43] JHC: and buy American... catsuits.
[19:43] Meg: i just snorted with laughter
[19:43] JHC: why?
[19:43] Meg: just...everything
[19:43] Meg: the ice is the only place he can release "his passion"
[19:43] JHC: and where his oreo cordial catsuit
[19:44] JHC: wear, shit
[19:44] Meg: i'm wearing you down
[19:44] JHC: his bangs are fab
[19:44] JHC: He's like the 6th Beatle.
[19:44] Meg: NO
[19:44] Meg: TIE
[19:44] JHC: BULLSHIT! We want recount! We want recount!
[19:45] Meg: (to the tune of Gold Digger)
[19:45] JHC: So... no one wins? All of those beaded spins for nada
[19:45] Meg: no, lysacek won. weir wuz ROBBED!
[19:45] JHC: suck that, toot sweet!
[19:46] JHC: Glad that's over. I have to go do something manly now.
[19:46] JHC: ooooohhhhhhh!! A Hallmark Hall of Fame movie is starting on CBS right now! (with Amber Tamblyn) Squeee!!!
[19:46] Meg: wow... your secret's safe with me.
[19:46] Meg: i won't tell netflix.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Also, CrimeNotes strikes again! He was telling this to me at a bar on Saturday night, and I demanded that he write about it immediately.
Friday, January 25, 2008
One of the people I was talking to mentions that The Master Cleanse really does what its name says. It cleanses you (read: it puts you on the toilet for a solid 2 weeks straight). What he also mentions and what most people don't tell you is the bad side effects. The lack of solid food makes you create excess mucus in the colon region. So when you have to fart....I don't really need to finish this sentence, do I? I'm already grossed out.
This reminds me of a product called Alli that recently went on the market. It prevents you from absorbing fat into your stomach lining so therefore the the insoluble fat goes out where the rest of it all. What this means if you eat anything with excess fat in it, your insides blow out of you like a tsunami. Below are the known (and frequent apparently) side effects of Alli in detail:
- If you eat a meal that contains too much fat after taking Alli, you will experience some very unpleasant side effects, including: loose stools, too-frequent stools, uncontrollable bowel movements, or gas with an oily discharge.
Back to the conversation. I'm talking about this pill trying to impress my co-workers with my vast knowledge of the human digestive tract when right as the words "anal leakage" escape my mouth, our CEO walks right up next to me. He had to have heard. I'm pretty fucking loud.
Oh my fucking god.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
It's a Jungle Out There
She never fails to entertain me.
Update: After I posted this link, the following conversation took place at 10am ET:
Megan: i'm sorry for sending crazies your way, but your blog post made me laugh so hard
it needs to be shared
meg: you are so sweet to me!
i just got back to my desk
it was very scary!
i was all alone
Megan: are you kidding? CRAZIES ARE COMING
please i can't stop laughing imagining you in this predicament
THEY'RE COMING. THE CRAZIES
meg: i haven't had too many crazies!
i am ready
it will be a new experience for me
i should have posted how hot you are
Megan: and how you put out
meg: oh, you should have said that, yeah
then maybe i could get a boyfriend
Go git her guys. Gitgitgitgitgitgit!
There is one group of performers that I love. It's a group of guys that always break dance to Michael Jackson--usually at the Times Square Station, Herald Square Station, or Grand Central Station (note: these are probably the 3 most trafficked stations in all of New York). I always stop and watch. Always.
One guy in particular is a Michael Jackson impersonator and my personal favorite. Coming home from work tonight I was lucky enough to catch MJ and the rest of these guys again. My cell phone was almost out of batteries but I did manage a small clip (in which you can hear me yelp with sheer amusement):
This really doesn't do the guy justice. The guy is infamous here in New York and is actually garnering some legitimate fame through his performances. He was being interviewed by a real live person before I filmed this!
A better clip (not filmed by me):
You see that crowd? Yeah, that is pretty par for the course. And they're all happy and in the middle of rush hour. Right in the middle of fucking Times Square (I also walk right underneath that giant "42" on my way home). Imagine that? People forced to take public transportation are...happy?
I hope it brings you the same amount of unbridled joy. Enjoy your weekend.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
My point was the movie was fan-fucking-tastic. It is loosely based on Upton Sinclair's book Oil! which I have admittedly not read (I wasn't that big of a fan of The Jungle) and tells the story of the rise of Big Oil in the stark backdrop of what I assume to be early 20th century Texas (the movie was filmed there). PT Anderson changed the name from Oil! to There Will Be Blood since the screenplay really wasn't a true adaptation of the book. That aside, this was still the best movie I have seen in quite some time. I wish everyone on the internets has seen this movie so I can discuss it openly in the comment section, but I can't. I don't want to ruin it for you. I will point out a few of my favorite things about the movie without giving too much away:
- There is one scene where Plainview (Daniel Day-Lewis) is covered in oil staring at an oil well that has erupted into flames. You can only see his eyes and the reflection of fire in his eyes is absolutely frightening.
- I haven't laughed out loud at a movie more since the pageant scene in Little Miss Sunshine than I did during the baptism scene of There Will be Blood. I'm still chuckling to myself recalling it.
- Speaking of Little Miss Sunshine, I thought Paul Dano was good in that movie as the Nietzsche loving wannabe Air Force pilot, however Arkin stole the show so I paid little attention to him. He returns to film as Eli/Paul Sunday in There Will be Blood as the perfect counter balance and worthy adversary to Day-Lewis' Plainview. The ending scene resulted in a climax to the film that had me letting out a few audible yelps.
- The score. This could be one of the most effective uses of music in a movie I have seen in quite some time. It's simultaneously haunting, suspenseful, and beautiful all at the same time. There is no dialogue for the first 20 minutes, however the strategic and rare use of (note: I'm not a music person so I have no idea what was used--I assume it was some strings of some sort. Forgive me.) music adds to the rising tension throughout the movie.
- Daniel Day-Lewis. You have to see it to believe it. It could be the best I have ever seen him in. That's saying a lot as I want to lick his face every time I see him in a movie. He won a Golden Globe already, and I can't think of someone more deserving (the fact he is an asshole aside) of an Oscar. Slow-clap, Daniel. Slow mother-fucking clap.
My point is, if you enjoy movies the way I do, this is not one to be missed. So get off Perez Hilton, and get going!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Evenin' ladies and gentlemen. As promised, I have CrimeNotes and OPS here with me now with (hopefully) JHC arriving shortly. I invited you to watch The Connor Chronicles with us. I promise you it will be most enjoyable.
(Note: The picture really is of Sarah Connor. Or should I say A Sarah Connor. Didn't the original Terminator knock out all these bitches in the first movie?)
Background from the Pilot: Sarah is living with John in 1999 Los Angeles where they are still on the run (wasn't that shit supposed to get nuked in 1997?). John befriends a girl with nice boobs and a sweet smile, next thing you know their new substitute teach cuts a hole in his leg with a letter opener and pulls out a gun. The sweet girl then dives in front of John, much like Clint Eastwood or Kevin Costner, and we find out she is a robot too, but the good kind. She then takes John and Sarah to a bank where they have to go to the future (2007) to destroy SkyNet once and for all)
Sunday, January 13, 2008
I'm gonna use this blog for good once and ask you to click on the link on the top right corner of this blog and donate. It doesn't have to be much, and it can be done anonymously. Any donation will help (and if you want to pass the site on to your friends/family, that will help too!).
And by the way, thank you. I mean that.
Also note: in celebration of my upcoming race, I've sat around watching football and eating fried shit all weekend. Good times!
Friday, January 11, 2008
Old Lady: Excuse me?
OL: I don't understand.
Megan: What kind of bread would you like.
OL: oh, well, um. I'm not sure. What kind do you have?
Megan [thinking]: Fuuuuccccckkkkkkkkkkk.
Meat Man: What kind of meat would you like?
OL: Um, what comes in a "BMT"?
MM: It's on the menu: ham, salami, pepperoni.
Megan [thinking]: Fuuuuccccckkkkkkkkkkk.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
They offered me the remote first, being the nice gentlemen they are, but I had to politely decline. You see, I have a confession. I am deathly scared of PlayStation controllers.
Back in college, I went to the Iowa Book Store and charged a PlayStation on my Iowa account which I passed off as "and Organic Chemistry book". Thankfully the bill was not itemized. Megan-1, Dad-0.
So I bought my first game--Tony Hawk. Thinking I would dominate Tony Hawk like I once dominated Zelda and Super Mario Brothers, I pulled out the controller. That was the last thing I remember.
What came next was an onslaught of Ollie's resulting in concussions for poor Tony. The only redeeming quality about the game was I got to jam to Grandmaster Flash while getting the electronic shit kicked out of me by a video game. It was quite humbling.
I've tried to play PlayStation a few times, once with Flop which resulted me trying to pass on running plays and numerous delays of game (just like Eli Manning!). The sad thing is even with all of my poor dexterity, I still played better than the real Jake Christensen. [shakes head one last time for the 2007 Iowa Hawkeyes]
Anyways, here is what I am used to:Not this:
And to anyone who wants to mock me, I will challenge you to a good old fashioned game of Super Mario 3. Prepare to get your face fucked off. Bring it, bitches.
UPDATE: I just received an email from CrimeNotes himself (settle down, ladies and gentlemen) inquiring, "Where's the post about how Flop and I set the crowd on fire at [bar redacted], just by wearing Michigan apparel?"
Yes, it is true. With Flop in his "M" that the bartender loved, and CrimeNotes in his Michigan sweatshirt, a small riot broke out. A stranger noticed my friends' Wolverine attired and shouted at full volume, "GO BLUE. GATORS SUCK." A few fist pumps from Flop and CrimeNotes later, and I hung my head with embarrassment. I mean, I AM a Hawkeye. Interpret that as you like.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
i am awesome
JHC: My Netflix queue thinks I'm gay.
Megan: i just snorted with laughter
Megan: what is it recommending?
JHC: I totally started over with my membership and ratings, I had like 2500 ratings from before, but I wanted to start over.
So, I haven't even rated anything. Just had about 10 movies in my queue
and now it keeps talking to me about homosexuality.
Megan: does it recommend movies?
JHC: Yeah, gay ones.
Megan: what movies?
JHC: So now, I have to go through and rate a bunch of movies inordinately high, so it thinks I'm more manly.
Megan: what movies?????
JHC: I have to convince it I'm straight.
Westerns, actions movies
Megan: go for steven seagal movies
WHAT IS IT RECOMMENDING?
JHC: I'm dropping 5 star reviews like Joel Siegel.
Megan: like, the birdcage?
to wong foo?
JHC: Priscilla: Queen of the Desert
JHC: The Man on the Mountain?
Megan: sounds like it could be gay though
JHC: it is
I understand why my Tivo thought I was gay, I mean, I had Project Runway, The Bachelor, and Top Chef all rated top notch
but this is different.
Megan: it might think you like mountains?
JHC: Netflix doesn't know me!
I don't appreciate the assertions it's making.
Megan: mountains can be a euphemism for breasts
JHC: It's about guys who go on a camping trip together with their new boyfriends
Megan: oh my god
JHC: not a word
Megan: i just laughed so hard someone asked what was wrong
JHC: So now I have to overcompensate
and I'm totally lying to myself, and to netflix.
I'm leading a double life now, rating these movies I didn't even like
Not IN A GAY WAY!
Megan: just only rate braveheart
JHC: I did.
It's too late. It's made up its mind about me.
Megan: STAY AWAY FROM SPARTICUS
Once these accusations are made, it doesn't matter what you do.
Megan: AND 300
JHC: I didn't like either of those, and not because I'm a homophobe!
That's what I need, that New Texan asshole.
I need him to go in and rate some movies for me.
JHC: I'm glad you think it's funny.
Megan: (cause it is)
JHC: Laugh it up.
You have no idea what it's like for our people.
Megan: you mean, fabulous?
JHC: Laugh away.
Megan: yes i have no idea...i have no idea what it is like to be gay SINCE I LIVE IN CHELSEA AND WORK IN FASHION
Until you've minced a mile in these slippers you've no idea what our world is like.
I was ironing some shirts earlier too, I wonder if the Netflix queue can SEE ME???
You don't know how hard it was for me to go right past Road House and not even rate it!
Megan: you have to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JHC: I can't!
Megan: you have to!
JHC: Don't you remember the part where Dalton is fighting evil Mandana man in the end?
Mandana Man is kicking his ass! He has him down and just as he's about to finish off Dalton, he says "I used to fuck guys like you in prison!"
Megan: of course! that is the best line
and then dalton rips out his fucking throat
JHC: and Dalton's eyes get all big and excited and he goes "GNNNNNNNNNNNNN" and gets his second wind, eventually defeating him.
yes, and extremely 4 alarm fire island gay.
I knew it!
I rated it 5 stars and guess what it recommended to me?
JHC: Tango & Cash
Megan: how in the hell....?
JHC: IT KNOWS!
JHC: Murderball just got 5 stars
As did Marked for Death
Death Warrant? 5 thumbs, WAY UP!
Which is the one where Seagal is an eskimo and Michael Caine is an evil oil baron?
Megan: i don't know BUT WHY HAVE I NOT SEEN IT?
JHC: And Seagal plays an acoustic guitar between arm breakings?
Megan: (who DOESN'T do that?)
JHC: Fire Down Below!
That is the one where he's an eskimo,
Megan: i need to see that
JHC: with a heart of gold
and hands of STEEL!
Megan: PREDATOR--5 STARS
JHC: When he breaks arms of the evil oil baron's henchman.
ewwwwww, no way
She looked so manly in that!
Girl put way too much weight on in the shoulders!
Megan: manly? you might like it then
I hope my netflix queue doesn't read your blog