We're just jukin' the stats

Seriously people. I don't get it. All I read about lately is how the credit market is crashing, we're all going to implode, and Palin is going to invade Russia via the Bering Straight. The solution? Throw more gas on the flames via a $700 billion bailout.

Now, most of you know I am very socially liberal gay marriage, abortion rights, nationalized health care, I'm all for it. However I do believe that the greatest motivation to help drive our economy is greed. I suppose that makes me mildly fiscally conservative. I think people acting in their own monetary self interests will always stabilize the economy. Always.

I like to compare what is going on to a forest fire. Forest fires are devastating. They destroy almost anything in their path. Your initial reaction to the devastation is always to think that it will never grow back, but let me put it this way. What you didn't see before the fire was the entire floor of the forest was covered in decomposing debris that was rotting the ground. New seeds could no longer germinate as they couldn't reach fresh soil and in fact, the debris on the ground was slowly killing the forest.

Here comes the fire that wipes out not only the long standing old trees, but all the debris that was choking off the forest. Those seeds that were prepared for the fire prosper with no competition, growing stronger roots than any of its ancestors. The forest is reborn, stronger than before.

We as Americans have grown too accustom to our comfortable lifestyle. What do we need all that credit for anyways? A 3rd tv? A second house on a lake? Sure, those things are nice. But remember all, there are people all across the world who suffer about 1 million times more on a daily basis than you or me. I think a little reality check is in order. We all need to start living within our means.

The bailout plan is socialism for the rich. They gained all the benefits of capitalism when times were good, but will not be forced to reap the consequences of their greed. This is the natural order of things.

Many of you know I was a physical anthropology major in college which is basically evolution. I actually considered getting a Darwin tattoo once. This is economic Darwinism, folks. Go home, don't panic, look at your family and be thankful that you have food on your table (in my case that is Chipotle).

That is all.

Maybe "sometimes bet on black" would have been a better quote

A couple weeks back I was in the Newark airport at about 5:15am for a 6am flight. I had to get up at 3am to 1) to take a train to New Jersey and 2) Take a flight to Detroit. It was like the armpit tour of America (ok so I was just changing planes in Detroit (pronounced Day-twa) but STILL).

OK so I get my ticket and approach the security line. Normally security in Newark airport is maybe 10 people long. This time TSA was a little backed up saving the world from miniature bottles of Scope that the line was easily about 100 people. Being that it was 5:30 now and my flight was boarding, I was concerned to make the flight. Upon discussing my concern about my flight status, the always charming TSA agent simply shrugged. I almost started to stomp my feet and bitch slap her when a nice man said he had only been waiting for 10 minutes. The line was moving fast. Ok then.

I hop into line and sure enough, the line slowly moves along. I reach the front of the line where another nice TSA agent wearing what appears to be a security moomoo and rubber gloves checks my ticket and ushers me into the "special line".

You know what that means folks! That "special line" is for those of us graced with patience and have to enjoy "extra security". I reach the front of the security check point where I anticipate someone reaching 2nd base and maybe a cavity search (or 2!), when an older gentleman who had a polo tucked into his Levis carrying a leather messenger bag (sweet!) and a black man with a mild afro get the velvet rope treatment ahead of me. I do my usual eye roll and shift my weight impatiently back and forth from each foot, when I look closer at the black man.

It was Wesley Snipes!

Of course he was wearing sunglasses cause it is super bright in Newark at 5:30am, but it looked a lot like him. Now, I have no problem asking if celebrities are who they say they are, but this was different. If I was wrong, and I certainly could have been, I would be the dumb white girl who thinks all black men look like Wesley Snipes. Although it did look like him, I was unsure of it given his travel partner. Seriously, Wesley Fucking Snipes does not hang with ANY old dude with low hanging jowls, sensible loafers, and age spots.

I do my thing in security behind Fake-Wesley, when I start to notice more attention being paid to the two companions in front of me than airline security warrant. I mean, bitches be giggling everywhere. They FINALLY exit the security area when my lady, while frisking me mind you, whispers, "Did you see that was Wesley Snipes?!"

I KNEW IT.

Dude had a fucking SKULL RING and I doubted that it was Wesley? For shame.

The TSA agent was so flustered, she only checked one of my bags and I had to remind her she had to check the other one. Our airport security's finest!

I called the one person who I knew would appreciate that I was behind Wesley Snipes at Newark Airport in line for security when he stopped me mid-sentence.

"Isn't he going to jail?"

And that, my folks, is what we call a light bulb moment. You see, that older gentleman that he was with? They aren't vacationing in Cabo together, the old dude WAS ESCORTING HIM TO JAIL.

I like to think that Wesley is in his cell right now thinking about his last sight of a beautiful woman. But really, I bet he's thanking God he just didn't get but raped by a guy screaming, "I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO BET ON BLACK MOTHERFUCKER."

(yes, I made my flight. No, he wasn't on my flight to Detroit. Can't win them all)