Comments on I'm Quietly Judging You: No Love in an Elevator

Honey Nut Cheerios were cashed, but Apple Jacks ar...

2008-04-28T02:06:00.000-04:00

Honey Nut Cheerios were cashed, but Apple Jacks are in the house. Fuck these are good. I'm rocking a mixing bowl of Apple Jacks which is like the antithesis of being smothered to death with grain. mmmmmm.... Apple Jacks....

I don't ride in elevators much, mostly because we ...

2008-04-28T02:01:00.000-04:00

I don't ride in elevators much, mostly because we don't have them here. Well, we do have grain elevators but if you ride one of those it means you die. Talk about annoying, right? Death by corn, or asphyxiation (and not the cool kind with a belt on your neck and your junk in your hand), more accurately. Smothered, by your own crops. It's a horrible way to go I hear. Just imagine being buried with corn? Not hot buttered corn on the cob because that would be awesome. Man, I'm hungry as fuck. I'M STARVING AND NO ONE CARES! No corn on the cob deliveries at this hour. Maybe I'll have some cereal. Honey Nut Cheerios are good. I'll do that.

OK, so 40 some comments of pearlclutching and high...

2008-04-28T01:33:00.000-04:00

OK, so 40 some comments of pearlclutching and highgroundstaking and no one's talked about the people who get on before you get off ? I mean, that's considered rude on the freaking subway, where people clip toenails, throw garbage under the seats and sing doo-wop hits for cash.

Hmm ...

Note to Improv Everywhere: Can we get some elevator buskers up in this piece?

I've silenced the critics There's my cue!

2008-04-28T01:29:00.000-04:00

I've silenced the critics

There's my cue!

oh hush

2008-04-21T22:33:00.000-04:00

oh hush

I've silenced the critics!

2008-04-21T18:14:00.000-04:00

I've silenced the critics!

I would like to reiterate my "ladies' first" point...

2008-04-20T23:02:00.000-04:00

I would like to reiterate my "ladies' first" point, even though, as a gentleman, I practice it. The fact that it would drive any sensible person "nuts" is just a statement of your own self interest. It has nothing to do with politeness. If I could always be first in line and have my way, I'd take it too, and be driven "nuts" when denied. That doesn't make it an issue of politeness, just self-interest. If you want to be first in, you should be last to complain if someone has to use an arm to enter, or a subsequent companion happens to have a backpack. I always let the ladies go first, but it's just to avoid the passive aggressive body language once I'm on board. But in a sensible, gender-neutral world, you "ladies" would recognize it for what it is: self-promotion disguised as manners.

Couldn't agree more on the "ladies first" thing he...

2008-04-20T16:55:00.000-04:00

Couldn't agree more on the "ladies first" thing here. It drives me nuts.

I disagree with many points on your list. The bac...

2008-04-20T11:30:00.000-04:00

I disagree with many points on your list. The backpack rule is a ridiculous one in a school setting. If I put my backpack down, there's no way I can pick it back up without hitting the person next to me (it is very heavy). Plus it doesn't make note of all of those people who have other bulky things attached to their bodies such as the ginormous tote bag or baby strapped onto body along with entire contents of diaper bags. Also, if you have any manners at all, you'd hit the "door open" button when you see someone making a run for the elevator. You must be seriously lacking in karma points.

Ugh, the not letting the people behind you off the...

2008-04-20T09:12:00.000-04:00

Ugh, the not letting the people behind you off the elevator is what REALLY bugs me. That's when I make use of my elbows of steel.

I love that song! (Aerosmith, not Mary J Blige)

2008-04-19T20:18:00.000-04:00

I love that song! (Aerosmith, not Mary J Blige)

Hi DMBMEG! The title of your blog made me giggle,...

2008-04-19T19:09:00.000-04:00

Hi DMBMEG! The title of your blog made me giggle, so I came to visit. Are you a classic "angry New Yorker", or is this just one hot topic for you? I could totally see why. I avoid elevators when possible because these are the very things that would eventually give me chronic high blood pressure. You did leave off a BIG one: People who push into the elevator without waiting for others to get off! GRRRRR!!!

I take the stairs to the 3rd floor and always feel...

2008-04-19T16:57:00.000-04:00

I take the stairs to the 3rd floor and always feel inclined to play up the limp in my bad knee so people don't glare at me... even if it's not hurting that much that day. Makes me want to wave the doctor's not around...
But please add to the list people who think they have to punch their own floor button and will push past you to do it - as well as the ones who stand right in front of the punch pad and will not punch the button when you say "six, please."

Just do me a solid and dont use the back of your h...

2008-04-18T19:33:00.000-04:00

Just do me a solid and dont use the back of your hand for the bitch-slap. Knuckles = bruising, i gotta stay pretty.

Except for 5 I am with you --- But Its a little so...

2008-04-18T18:08:00.000-04:00

Except for 5 I am with you --- But Its a little socialist to be down on the arm stop -- Its a little hippy ish You have to throw the arm to stop the door from shutting if you can. Thats just pure darwinism right there, You have your dinner in site, dont let a hyena come and bitch slap you ... I just respectfully disagree on # 5

I can't even tell you how much I loved this post. ...

2008-04-18T14:19:00.000-04:00

I can't even tell you how much I loved this post. I think you hit on EVERY elevator hating peeve I have. Can't wait for the subway version next. If you need ideas, lemmme know!

I recall from a Trivia Pursuit game that the Door ...

2008-04-18T13:52:00.000-04:00

I recall from a Trivia Pursuit game that the Door Close button is almost always disconnected in elevators. Just in case you were wondering why, sometimes, the furious pressing of that button was not causing the doors to close any faster or pinching the arms of the ne'er-do-wellers. I have, because I am a nerd, timed the door closing with and without the button, I have found it to not make a difference in time. Again, I am a nerd and, as I type this, it is clear that I also need hobbies.

@crimenotes: excellent. couldn't have said it bet...

2008-04-18T13:19:00.000-04:00

@crimenotes: excellent. couldn't have said it better myself... only about me.

I am going to print these out and put them in ALL ...

2008-04-18T13:09:00.000-04:00

I am going to print these out and put them in ALL the elevators of the building I work in.

No you are just apparently apathetic to all aspect...

2008-04-18T12:58:00.000-04:00

No you are just apparently apathetic to all aspects of life that don't involve Michigan football.

You forgot about Barack.

im way behind here, but i gotta agree with ben k. ...

2008-04-18T12:31:00.000-04:00

im way behind here, but i gotta agree with ben k. i used to work at a big law firm where all the snotty young male associates would leap off the elevator (like, shoving me and my 16 binders out of the way to do so) while every single older (ie classier) partner type let me out first.

which was nice

except when the elevator was full of said partners and me, and they all had to cram in at the sides to let me and my binders through. that was annoying.

felicia-Yes, but it's a fine line. Many girls migh...

2008-04-18T11:10:00.000-04:00

felicia-
Yes, but it's a fine line. Many girls might take advantage of a guy's kindness and demand to be served first everytime regardless of how long the guys was waiting.

john barleycorn-
thanks!

b-button-
The top half of your comment made me growl. You wouldn't have to go to the gym if you took the stairs, you know.

crimenotes-
No you are just apparently apathetic to all aspects of life that don't involve Michigan football.

jhc-
Hardly. I get just as pissed as women with their oversized bags as I do with the backpack wearers. I've seen women wearing backpacks too.

Also, a lot of men here carry a man bag. The backpack is just more obnoxious.

joanna-
Word, yo.

station agent-
Grrrr....although you do get a pass for a smaller building. My building is 18 floors and we only have 4 elevators--2 of which are always out of service.

I AM a 3rd floor fucker, but we only have four flo...

2008-04-18T09:30:00.000-04:00

I AM a 3rd floor fucker, but we only have four floor in our building, and this is Gainesville, so elevators aren't a big deal. But yes, I'm mad lazy.

OK, I agree on every count. Born and bred in NYC ...

2008-04-18T07:58:00.000-04:00

OK, I agree on every count. Born and bred in NYC and I never got why people can be so inconsiderate

Coming next week....subway courtesy! GET PUMPED. T...

2008-04-18T01:45:00.000-04:00

Coming next week....subway courtesy! GET PUMPED.

That made me laugh.

The rest of this? A little rantier than what I'm normally accustomed to here, but I'm always a fan of blind rage, so well done.

Oh, and I assume it's OK to ride the elevator with your purse shouldered, but not a backpack? Seems a little sexist.